The Loser FAQ

by Dj blue and Grim Jack ( Yes, it's cruel. But wickedly funny, too. Keep in mind that EVERYONE has gotten the Loser FAQ at one time or another...)

You have received the Dj blue/Grim Jack Loser fAq
Your performance on the Spooky Kids Mailing List has been unacceptable.
You have been branded LOSER***

You have committed offense numbers:

1. Because you are not anglo waste and are actually the closest to him we've seen since.
2. I just fucking hate you.
3. You post too many one liners.
4. You didn't edit that post.
5. You have had your head in your ass too damn long.
6. Your recent post contained nothing of value.
7. A non-Marilyn Manson post was not marked with [nonMM]. 8. Changed the subject of the message and left the subject line the same.
9. Nobody cares about your Marilyn Manson web page.
10. You are not god.
11. You are not satan.
12. You don't wear enough black clothing.
13. You don't wear enough make-up.
14. Misquoted Marilyn Manson lyrics.
15. Your .sig is too long.
16. You suck.
17. You exhibited a "Post-Frenzy." You sent too many bullshit posts.
18. You did a "Post-Frenzy" because you thought that every single post
on the list was directly intended for you.
19. You are rude and/or inconsiderate.
20. You're a newbie.
21. You're not Grim Jack, Dj blue, or Zippo.
22. You flamed someone unnecessarily.
23. We haven't sent any of these out in a while.
24. You type with out using English.
25. Your post was vague and unclear.
26. You use too much shorthand crap.
27. You annoy me.
28. You're not cool, unlike Grim Jack, Dj blue and Zippo.
29. You sent a picture to the list.
30. You sent a sound file to the list.
31. You replied to a picture or a sound file sent to the list, quoted the entire thing, and only added one line at the very bottom saying "Don't send graphics," or "Don't send sound files"
32. You are a racist asshole.
33. You are a homophobic asshole.
34. You claim to search the entire net and cannot find something that is on 20 pages of people that are on this list.
35. You have posted something claiming to be yours and it has been created by someone else.
36. You replied to the list when you should have sent that personally.
37. You have offended the space chickens.
38. You have posted incorrect band information as fact.
39. You are not planetcom.
40. You did not identify yourself as a loser when you signed on the list.
41. Grim Jack needed a cigarette.
42. Because you live too far away for us to come kick your ass.
43. You have apologized for one liners too much. Fucking stop it already.
44. You have the stupidest fucking nick i have ever seen.
45. You are posting crap just to get attention.
46. You do not respect your spooky elders, namely us.
47. Just look at yourself.
48. You keep asking how to unsubscribe, when the SpookyKids FAQ was sent to you when you subbed.
49. You claim that you never received the SpookyKids FAQ when it actually was attached to the welcome message you received.
50. You think that everyone should know Enochian.
51. You claim to know the real names of everyone in the band. Except you get every single one wrong.
52. You ask repeatedly if Mr. Manson is going to kill himself.
53. Using one line out of one song, you prove conclusively that Mr. Manson is going to kill himself yesterday.
54. You think that people are stupid for not reading the satanic bible.
55. You are a trendy fucker.
56. You are not a drunken Moose.
57. You repeatedly tell the list exactly when you started wearing black clothing and just how cool you are.
57a. It is obvious that you were lying about both.
58. Your nick contains an ever-so-creative combination of a famous woman's name and a serial killer's name. gee, where'd you ever dream up that idea?
59. You say anything to the effect of "Satan roolz!" or "God sux!" and then expect to be taken seriously.
60. You make posts referring to illegal Mexican immigrants and their relative worth or status in America. this is the SpookyKids list: we really don't give a shit.
61. Your .sig is "You cannot sedate all the things you hate." come on, we KNOW you can do better than that.

***Void if not sent by Djblue or Grimjack.